Upgrade gRPC (#13958)

* Set up command line option to make sure that grpc build is done with GRPC_ARES=0

* Update cmake tag

* Remove cares

* Remove no-longer-used file

* Properly identify location of GRPC_ARES=0

* style nit: remove extra empty lines

* Use https

* Comment out the mirrors

* Update commit point

* Allow grpc to depend on protobuf-headers external dependence

* Fix to master version of gRPC